Oh bloody hell. It’s karma.
My husband once told me that I talk too much when he gets up in the morning. B must get it from me.
Me: “Alright buddy, it’s naptime”
Me: “Okay, but stay in bed. I’ll be right back.”
B: “Okay mamma”
Me: “Here’s your milk. Now go night-night.”
B: “Lay down!”
Me: “Okay, I’ll lay down with you but you have to go to sleep.”
B: “Okay mamma.”
B: “Mamma, boobie.”
Me: “No boobie Boden. Go. To. Sleep.”
B: *whines* “BOOOOBIE!!!!!!”
Me: “Go to sleep or I’m leaving.”
B: *sigh* “Oooookay”
B: “Mamma. Water. Phone”
Me: “No. I don’t want my phone and water. It’s night night time”
Me: *laughing* “No I don’t want any coffee either” (It’s 3pm by the way)
B: “Mamma, I’m going to sleep.”
Me: “Okay. Mamma is sleeping too.”
B: “Mamma. Mamma. Mamma. Mamma.” (tapping my face)
Me: opening my eyes “Yes sweetie?”
B: “I want po’corn”
Me: “No. You can have some popcorn tonight.
B: “Okay. Mamma, I go to sleep.”
Me: *closes eyes*
B: “Mamma. Mamma. Mamma. Mamma” (tapping my face again)
Me: *opening eyes*
B: “Make daddy cake”
Me: “We will make the cake after our nap. Can I take a nap?”
B: “Yes Mamma”
Me: *close eyes*
B: “Mamma. Mamma. Mamma” (tapping face) ” Find LuLu”
Me: “No. Maryluci is sleeping and you need to sleep too”
B: “Okay Mamma”
B: “Mamma. Mamma. Mamma.” (hitting shoulder this time) “More milk” (signing and I swear to God batting his eyes)
Me: “No milk, honey. Go to sleep!”
B: *sighs and rolls over*
B: “Mamma! Shhhhh!”
Me: *opening eyes. Blank stare*
B: “I go to sleep. Shhhh!”
Me: *closing eyes*
B: “Mamma!” *tapping face* “No No No! You no sleep. I sleep.”
Me: “Okay yeah sure, whatever buddy” *closing eyes*
B: “Mamma! Shhhhh!”
B: “Mamma. Mamma. Mamma. Mamma.” (tapping face)
Me: “Okay that’s it. Mamma is leaving.”
Put the little dude in his crib. He’s wailing and screaming that he wants to sleep in the bed with me. Um. No. I shut the door and leave. A little cry never hurt a kid. Sure wears them out though.
15 minutes later I go check on him because chances are he crapped himself.
Me: “Bubba, it’s time to nap. Please don’t cry.” *sniff sniff* “Did you poop?”
B: *giggling* “Nooooooo”
Me: “Bubba, did you poop?”
Nice little surprise for me. The blue raspberry Italian Ice from the Country Fair yesterday that stained every dang thing it touched made it’s way through and managed to turn his butt cheeks the same lovely shade of blue. Diaper changed and B is back in his crib.
I run out to the car and grab his beloved hippo. God forbid anything happened to it.
Upon my return and still wailing….
B: “Lay down!!!!” *pointing to the bed*
At this point he has been crying for a solid 20 minutes. So I lay down….he’s out in less than 5.
Now was that so goddamn hard??